Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
