I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
