She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
