Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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