So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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