dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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