Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
