he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't turn off my feet"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
