Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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