don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
