I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
