you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
