Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need a beard to bite.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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