this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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