Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So squirting runs in the family.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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