I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
