Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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