I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
