woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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