RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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