So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
