Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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