overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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