he puts the penis in happiness.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
did i just pee glitter
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
