no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
