I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
