when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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