even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
