Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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