chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
