Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
