you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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