so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
