Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
