You work out of a Hotel?
Soap is not a condiment
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
