did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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