I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You made out with two different species that night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
