I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she told me i tasted like america
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
