and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
