that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
