jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
