I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
