just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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