mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
