i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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