As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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