I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
