Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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