I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
