i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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