I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize