so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
