It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
