dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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