Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
