we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
