so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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