I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize