Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
