I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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