he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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