What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
