he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
