its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
