so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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