we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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