i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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