I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
