I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
