If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize