What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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