You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
