in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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