Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
