He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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