tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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