Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
